Ever wondered why only photos of Intanku on the page? Well, for the sake of putting things in perspective, she is the only light of my eyes right now. Yes, I am a single father, a very proud one at that!! Not my intention to let the whole visitors to my blog know, but hell ya, it’s my blog and I’ll blog anything if I want to. And I can breathe easy now.
Important dates in my life:
18.06.1972
Thanks Paul McCartney and Isabella Rossellini for sharing the same birthday with me.
17.11.2000
Intanku Mas Ayu was born. And my life changed forever.
03.10.2002
Indah Mas Ayu was born.
18.12.2003
The day she left. And I’ve never heard any news from her since.
27.02.2004
Indah was killed in an accident. My precious, the daughter I never had. Papa is gonna miss you for the rest of Papa’s life. I felt like dismantling the stars from the sky the day that I lost you, for they were of no use any more, for the one that shone the brightest was gone forever. Felt like winning a million dollar today, only to lose it the day after.
I myself was surprised at how I managed to pull through all the tragedy in my life, may be it was you Intanku, for without you, I would not have the strength, and I would wilt, and I would slowly die.
My best experience expecting a baby is when I could feel Intanku kicking from inside the womb of her mom, and how she moved her limbs around (stretching I guess) making wave-like effects on her mom's tummy. You know that thing, bulging here and there.
There was fear though, fear of the unknown. Of course u can trust the ultra-sound (we even have 3D scan now) but you would always want your child to be born perfect, that's the greatest gift all parents could give beside tender loving care. So the moment I received a phone call from my sister telling the birth, my first question was "is the baby physically ok?”. After knowing the answer was in the affirmative, only then I would proceed with questions on gender and stuff... Such was the fear.
Intanku will be 5 this November 17th. Her mom hasn't seen her since Dec 18 2003. And she has not called me since March. I hope she's doing well in KL. Doing what she always wanted to do. I still love her, but no matter how great is my love, I know we can never be together again. That's a sad story to tell. Anyway, having Intanku beside me, I still am counting my blessings.
Now Intanku has someone to call "mom" but I think it will take some time before I marry my girlfriend. Until then, my sister will take care of her during daytime. I Will be very busy this December taking care of her schooling. She's very talkative. When I look at her, I always see a reflection of myself, a feeling only for you to experience to really understand. My mom in Kelantan wants to have custody of her. And she keeps insisting on that. But I resist. I want to see her growing up and oversee her education.
Intanku won't go to bed without her dad around. Normally I will put her to sleep first before continuing with my stuff like watching TV and playing computer games. She will not sleep unless she knows I am around. I will normally lie around and lay my arm around her. A light kiss on her cheek and a butterfly kiss from her in return. Ten minutes, and she will be playing in her Wonderland. Now tell me, what price can pay for that?
If I knew then what I know now, would I still go on marrying her mom? The answer is an absolute YES!. Even for a thousand times!. For, without the suffering, without the tragedy, there wouldn’t be Intanku.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Passing of a Puppeteer
KUALA LUMPUR , Tue – Kelantan master puppeteer (of Wayang Kulit) Dalang Dollah Baju Merah died of asthma at Kota Bharu hospital today, he was 68 – The New Straits Times 28 Sept 2005.
To most people, this news will pass as ordinary news because he was not a known figure to most Malaysians. News of his demise just occupied small snippets in major dailies yesterday. He was hardly known to me also. But, being born and raised in Kelantan rural area in the 70’s, I can identify with him and relate to his predicament.
I still remember having to walk a distance in excess of 2Km just to watch the shadow show. With TV ownership of one for 100 households, wayang kulit was one of the few sources for entertainment back then. It continued to be so until late 80’s when color TVs were abundant and cheap. After that it was reduced to just a traditional icon, and number of yearly shows could be counted on fingers of your left hand. If that wasn’t bad enough, wayang kulit was banned in Kelantan after a change of state government, apparently a victim of political show of force. Narrating the Hindu epics Ramayana and Mahabharata, with puppets depicting heroes and Hindu gods, it didn’t bode very well with state government.
The end of wayang kulit shows marked the end to his only source of income. Having been a puppeteer since he was 15, it was the only thing he was good at. In order to feed his family he had to work as a contract laborer in Singapore in the mid 90’s. In his mid 50’s and with no academic qualifications, it was obvious his job in Singapore was not legit, relying on 30-day visa to stay and work in Singapore and he had to make a monthly visit to Johor Bahru to renew his visa. I know well of this modus operandi, my father was once an illegal laborer in Singapore.
Good-bye Mr. Shadowmaster, may god bless you and may you rest in peace.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE
Arsenal 2 - 1
A second win for the Gunners in the first round, first leg of the coveted Champions League. They have been very successful at home in the Premiership but have found it difficult to make it through to at least the semi-final stage of the Champions League. They are not short of talents, with Thiery Henry, Pires, Bergkamp and Ljungberg, it is quite a fatal combination to the opponent when all of them are on the field - at least in the Premiership. But when it comes to Champions League, they are just minnows.
I have been an Arsenal supporter for as long as I can remember. Season 2005-2006 is going to be tough for them after losing their inspirational captain Patrick Vieira to Juventus. They really need to buck up and stop unnecessarily dropping valuable points in games they should theoretically win such as the one against West Ham last weekend. When all the players gel together, they play beautiful free-flowing football. But somehow last weekend they found it hard to find the goal-mouth. With both Henry and Pires injured, Wenger could only send in young second-string players as the first-elevens. Fortunately they managed to pull through with a goalless draw. Not so good a result, but good enough considering they were playing an away game.
Hleb is a best buy of the season (actually, he is the only buy). He blends very well with Arsenal’s attacking football and his skill with the ball has won him instant admirers at Highbury. A young player like him, together with Reyes, Quincy, Flamini, Van Persie and Fabregas will ensure Arsenal dominate the Premiership for many years to come. Talking about wishful thinking.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Bunuh Diri? or Berani Mati?
Pengebom Berani Mati are common words nowadays on TV. There will always be individuals who believe that religion takes precedence over humanity. The West are always portrayed as the bad guys. It’s almost true, but not always. Reportings are done to feed our needs. Look at the anger we are feeding. I personally believe those who kill innocent people and let God underwrite their doings are a bunch of psychos. They can never win a war this way. As a show of courage and determination, yes it does work. But it takes its toll on the living muslims, the moderate and peaceful ones that is. They are now being humiliated, discriminated, and hunted down just because of the deeds of the extremist few.
Suicide bombers, if loosely translated should mean “Pengebom Bunuh Diri” in english. We go a step further, glorifying the bombers by using the word “Berani Mati”. I don’t want to go at length over this, fearing retribution and nasty comments from disagreeing parties.
Whatever happens to our dignity? Of course the US are guilty for their unilateral actions in Afghanistan and Iraq. But, that's just their foreign policy, nothing to do with their people. Most of them are just ordinary people, living day in and day out to make ends meet.
When tsunami unleashed its fury, we wept at the sight of motionless bodies. When Katrina came on knocking, we said “serve you right”. Why? Because they happened at two different locations, to two different group of people. The former just right at our doorstep, befalling our mostly muslim neighbors. The latter was far away, befalling the “infidels”. Sorry for being rather blunt, but it just shows that we muslims are thoughtless lot. Just spare a thought on the orphaned children and widowed wives for they also want to live just like us.
Polygamy for Free
Here's a funny one. In yesterday's NST there was this news about mass weddings at Bandar Country Homes, Rawang. Twenty couples tied the knot in an event jointly organized and sponsored by the Foundation of Welfare and Medical Services of Malaysia and Rufaqa Corporation Sdn Bhd. Well, nothing special about that because somewhere else before in South Korea bigger mass weddings were held. According to one Laila Ahmad, the foundation's public relations officer, “this programme was created to help those who could not afford the wedding cost (emphasis is mine).”
There were eight polygamous marriages while the rest were monogamous. Imagine, eight men could afford to take second wives but could not afford the wedding costs? Whatever happened to the pre-requisites of polygamy?. If I'm not mistaken, one of them is that the groom MUST be financially sound. Or, have I been ill-informed? Somebody please enlighten me. Not that I'm against polygamy, it’s just that I'm a little confused.
Opera for Free
A little update on Opera web browser. The Norwegian group Opera Software will be offering Opera browser for free to gain a losing market share in browser market. IE is shipped FOC with any Windows, Firefox is also FOC and fully supported by countless number of contributors all over the world. Opera now occupies the third place in browser market with less than two percent of market share – well, nothing to call home about. Firefox is second with eight percent, and the rest goes to IE.
Before this, Opera could be downloaded FOC and came with ad banners that occupied an inch of browser space at the top right corner. USD39 would get the banner off your browser. This is good news considering Opera is very stable and Gecko-based just like Firefox (as opposed to IE's Mosaic-based). If you want a browser that comes fully configured and pre-packaged with all the right browsing tools such as mouse gestures and voice navigation, just strap your boots and giddy up to www.opera.com. Me, I'm just happy with my fully-customized Firefox.
Monday, September 26, 2005
yOuR MeAT mY PoIsoN
The 2006 Budget will be announced by the Prime Minister this Friday 30.09.2005. There’s nothing much to look forward to unless you are a government servant. Smokers (and drinkers) will be hard hit by the budget because of the so-called sin-tax. So we smokers better stock up a few cartons of cigarettes before that fateful day. They won't last you a lifetime but at least they can see you through a few days of anger.
Don’t want to get much into this. Just brace yourself to pay the wrong side of RM7.00 for a pack of premium cigarettes. A “reliable” source cited 8 as the lucky number. It’s been the government’s trend to increase taxes for items that cater to sinful habits/doings since as long as I can remember, citing “legitimate” and politically correct reasons such as “smoking is bad for your health” and bla bla bla.
Yeah! Indeed smoking kills, but in no certain ways increasing taxes will make (stubborn) people (like me) quit smoking. It’s an open secret, the urging power to smoke is greater than the thought of forking out a few extra ringgits for a pack of cigarette. The result: more money into the Government’s coffer and the number of smokers is bigger than that of last year.
Some friends of mine will not hesitate to sub-ordinate more important purchases to purchasing a pack of cigarettes. They are willing to reduce spending on other household items just to cater to their smoking habit. Hopefully they don’t cut spending on toiletries!
I may sound self-serving but, yeah.. what the heck!. Soon the government servants will enjoy their undeserved 2-month salary bonus. So where do you think they get all the money from? A big portion of the fund for it is taken from the pockets of millions of smokers like me.
Why can’t they just eat their humble pie and tell us straight-faced “We need the money to give bonuses to our servants, and remember the reduction in road-tax last month? We are making up for the loss of revenue from this”. And that will be much better than throwing at us an orange and telling us it’s an apple.
It's Daniel
Well, it's over and based on popular votes, Daniel is the new Malaysian Idol! Whatever it is the people may say after this, I think there's always sour gripe especially when something this subjective is discussed. I believe all the last three contestants are good enough to be stars in their own right.
Anyway, personally I really wished Farrah could at least make it to the final. Since this was a reality show based on popular votes per se, I had to accept the facts that Nita and Daniel were the choices of the majority to perform in the Arena of Stars final.
A salute goes to Daniel for going through the trouble of getting used to Malay songs since the early stages. And in the final it couldn't get any sweeter when he belted out Broery's Angin Malam and Mimpi. Rick Price's Heaven Knows suited his voice well and this saccharine sweet lad from Alor Star proved to be the audience's favorite, home viewers at least. Because based on the cheers and shouts at the Arena, Nita looked the likely winner.
I believe the last three contestants have the cut to be the next stars. They are all talented and i look forward to listening to them again in the near future.
My Best Net Companions
You don't have to depend on big bad Microsoft to complete your Internet experience, whether you are in the office or at home. Everything net-related in my office PC is either free-ware or open-sourced. Here, I would like to share my favorite net-related softwares that I use daily. Some of them just so-so in ease of use and user-friendliness, some are outright fabulous I wonder how the programmers can offer them for free. Here we go...
Web Browser
There is only but one – Firefox. This Gecko-based open source web browser is the de-facto web browser now among tech-savvy net users with downloads exceeding 50 million as at last August. The reasons?, it is relatively secure compared to IE with fortnightly update to plug any compromised security features and the speed at which it render web pages is relatively faster than IE. Of course you have to fine-tune the “about:config” file in Firefox root directory to achieve the optimum speed based on your connection speed. To do this, just type “about:config” in the address bar and the configuration setting will be displayed. Just google for any websites that will show you how to optimize Firefox by tinkering with the “about:config”. As opposed to IE, Firefox lets users customize browsing and security features. As an added bonus, it is theme-able with popular themes available for download. Another feature is the extension plug-ins such as mouse-gestures, tab-browsing, minimize-to-tray, to reel of just a few.
Another popular web browser is Opera and it is ad-based. Unless you are comfortable with losing one inch of browser space at the top right corner, I suggest you stick with Firefox.
E-mail Client
Outlook Express is good enough for your daily e-mail composing, reading and sending. However, if you insist only the best, there is always Thunderbird to feed your appetite for secure and customizable e-mail client. Thunderbird “learns” to identify spams based on your actions while reading emails. Like Firefox, Thunderbird is also theme-able and features can be customized by plug-ins extensions.
Per-to-Peer Clients
There are many P2P networks out there, namely Gnutella, Gnutella2. Edonkey and torrent. To download a small file, gnutella is recommended and you can almost find whatever you need for download in the network. My favorite gnutella client is Limewire which is ad-based. If you hate ads occupying your monitor screen, you can always opt for Limewire Pro which is ad-free and comes with “turbocharged” connection as opposed to “excellent” in the free ad-based Limewire.
eDonkey is good for downloading big files but due to long queue to download, I discarded it.
My personal favorite is torrent network. For this I use Azureus as a client. The speed of download is reasonable and you can almost find what your heart desires just by visiting web sites that specialize in tracking torrent files. Using the torrent network is tricky and here's my my attempt to briefly describe how to go about downloading a file. Torrent network is good for any sizes of downloads, be it 10MB or 3GB. The only problem is that a torrent must be hosted by a host and you need a tracker to determine what size the file is, where it is hosted and how many users are sharing/downloading the file. I normally go to www.torrentspy.net to look for movies and programs. Just type in what you are looking for and if there is such a file, it will be displayed in the search results. Just download the torrent to your hard disk. Next, use any torrent client such as Azureus and open the .torrent file. Azureus will prompt you for the .torrent file and also the location to which you want the file downloaded. Sounds confused? Well, It happened to me also at first few tries, but after a few trials and errors, downloading movies/programs/jpgs using Azureus is now a breeze.
Azureus is the best for .torrent network because it supports trackerless download and is very reliable. The only set-back is, it is java-based and needs JRE installed to function. Did I mention memory usage? Yup, Azureus consumes a lot of memory. Downloading five .torrents files with a ombined sizes of 3GB simutaneously using Azureus will deprive you of at least 50MB of valuable memory.
If you are all-in-one kinda person. There is Shareaza for you. It can handle all P2P networks (Gnutella, eDonkey, and torrent) Just give it a try. You may like it. And the good thing is it is free.
My office internet connection is behind a Cisco router and certain ports are not reachable to the outside connection by default. All P2P cleints require that certain ports in your PC are open in order to function properly. Azureus for example needs port 6881 (which is default) to operate efficiently. If your office PC has an IP that looks like 192.168.xxx.xxx, chances are you are behind a router and the “outside” world cannot reach you directly. The router functions as a gateway to the outside connection and you have to “forward” your port (eg. 6881) to the router so that incoming connection to your internal IP through the router is allowed. Port-forwarding is very tricky and you have to be a network administrator to port-forward. Unless I find a way to hack into the router and port-forward my port 6881, I have to make do with slow downloads (average 10KB/s during office hours, 30KB/s after office hours). If you use PC at home, port restriction shouldn't be a poblem.
Be forewarned that sharing files using P2P is highly controversial and some unlucky chaps have been brought to court for illegal file-sharing. Luckily in Malaysia the authority is silent on the matter. I hate to think that someday some guys in uniform come knocking on my office door and seize away my PC and me (touch wood) :(
Firewall
For personal firewall, I prefer Zone Alarm personal edition which is free, user-friendly, stable and feature-rich.
Well, that's all I can think of at the moment. Anything, just buzz me by email or drop your comment here.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Van Halen
It has been 10 years since I last listened to Van Halen’s Balance on my BOSE Acoustimas 7 audio system. Of course it was an original recording, bought in the US. Today I have another encounter with Van Halen, not the entire album but at least some of the songs are there. I downloaded them from the internet. It was a compilation titled Best of Both Worlds. “Can’t Stop Loving You” sounds so nostalgic. I wish they included “Don’t Tell Me (What Love Can Do)” but since this compilation comes in two-CD set, I reckon the song is included in the second installment.
Most of the songs in this compilation are taken from pre-Sammy Hagar albums, with David Lee Roth as the frontman. Talking of frontman, Van Halen is different because fans will easily identify Van Halen with Eddie. Being a lead guitarist, this is an excellent feat considering main vocalists are the more prominent figures in any rock bands nowadays. He is one of the best guitarists in the world for any decades.
I still can’t accommodate the voice of David Lee Roth. After all these years, his voice still sounds so strange, so irrelevant and so insignificant to me. He belted only a few good numbers during his long stint with Van Halen. “Jump” and “The Cradle Will Rock” are the only two that stand out. Except for Eddie’s guitar playing prowess, The other songs sound so normal and so ordinary.
Unlike David Lee Roth, Sammy Hagar has a powerful voice. His rendition of “Why Can’t This Be Love” is so captivating. This is the voice that suits Van Halen the best.
There is another CD that I haven’t got the chance to listen to for quite some time. It is Gin Blossom’s Cracked Rearview Mirror. “Hey Jealousy”, “Until I Fall Away” and “Found Out About You” remind me of my college years in The United States. Alternative was the name of the game then back in 1993. With Pearl Jam on full assault, competing with the likes of Stone Temple Pilot, Soundgarden, and Spin Doctors.
Bored..
Why am I feeling so bored today? The Killerbees e-group is quiet. Only a handful of emails received. May be it is Friday. My Lantis is starting to show signs of abuse and overuse. The right side CV makes clunking noise everytime I make a right turn.
Mazda & Ford Lovers, Let's Join Killerbees
For Mazda/Ford lovers, especially those residing in Malaysia, there is a group called KILLERBEES whose members made up of Mazda/Ford enthusiasts/owners from all walks of life. Gathering is held on Saturday nights from 11:00pm till the wee hour of the morning at Awan Besar rest area along the Kesas Highway. If you are coming from Cheras, the rest area is on your left, right after the Bukit Jalil toll booth. Of course we have a virtual gathering daily at http://autos.groups.yahoo.com/group/B6_B8/
Just a word of caution, the mail traffic in the e-group is quite heavy and emails received from members daily can reach hundreds, depending on the topics discussed. At the last count, we have 418 members registered to the e-group.
We also have a nicely done website at www.b6b8.org administered by our Mr. Torot where you can see pages of our members’ rides and technical tips on Mazda/Ford cars. Many members also contribute to the website with articles ranging from trivial matters to technical ones.
Our latest project is Killerbees Official Shirt which is well in progress. Take a peek at the proposed design at the website.
Killerbees has no president nor treasurer nor nothing. We are grouped together by common interest and passion for Mazda/Ford cars. It is divided into four regions; Central, North, East Coast and Southern, each represented by unofficially appointed “messengers”.
A brainchild of Mr. Azlan Zakaria (Lan Mod), Killerbees now is in its fifth year and going stronger every day. So, if you love Mazda/Ford cars, just take a little time to visit the website. I assure you that your affection with Mazda/Ford will be further enhanced by joining this group.
Big Movie on a single 700MB CD
I Watched the Marksman last night. It was a crap! Wesley Snipe used to be so good at doing his stuff but I wonder why he chose to star in the B-grade movie. Anyway, it was good to see Emma Sams back again after her long hiatus in the movie industry. She looked kinda aged though.
Actually I just got myself a collection of newly released movies and also old ones burned on cds. Don’t ask me where I managed to get all the hot stuff. It was nice to enjoy the movies in the comfort of my home in front of the PC. My daughter was a little annoying though. She kept insisting on watching the Incredibles over and over again. Only after 11:00pm that I had the chance to enjoy the movies. Here’s the list:
1. The Transporter II
2. The Marksman
3. The Wedding Crasher
4. Van Helsing
5. Toy Story
6. 007 – The World is Not Enough
7. Judgment Night
8. Robocop 3
9. Finding Nemo
I was impressed at how the one-hour- thirty-minutes movies each could be squeezed into a single 700MB CD. Normally, a movie will take 2 CDs (in VCD .dat format). But this .avi lets a movie fit into a single CD without losing the picture quality, with good stereo sound at that.
Here’s my all time favorites (in no preferential order):
1. The Last of The Mohicans
2. Stargate (the movie, of course)
3. The LOTR trilogy
4. The Matrix Trilogy
5. The Star Wars Trilogy
6. Dirty Dancing (due to its nice soundtracks)
7. Forest Gump
8. The Saint (Val Kilmer)
9. Groundhog Day
10. Saving Private Ryan
The list is actually non-exhaustive but that’s all I can think of right now. Now, back to the Marksman. If you haven’t watched the movie, heed my advice, don’t watch it. Not worth your time and money.
